I know how you feel. I woke up one morning and found a wedding ring and a note that started "I guess by now you know what happened." No goodbye. No I'm sorry. No consideration. No life left in me. I felt like I had been reamed.
How could your ex reject you? I understand the pain and I can tell you I have been there. You have been run through the heart and you can't stop the bleeding. You cry every time you hear, "Nobody Knows it But Me," but everybody knows it. Nobody can do anything about it. Your ex won't return your calls. Your ex won't answer your texts. Nobody will help you meet with him or her. Everyone who can help has turned their backs.
You, my friend, are in the second stage of grief. You went through shock and disbelief and now you are pissed! I have been there. I have to tell you this is just a phase. It makes it no less real to know that, but you will get through this. I am going to give you 3 ways to get back at your ex, but I will not tell you how to do something that will get you in dutch with the law (no offense intended to the Dutch). Do these things and you may even find yourself back in communication with your ex, but don't push that yet.
The first way to get back at your ex is to start looking like you didn't get hurt. You need to leave the impression that it was time for a break up and you agree with it now. You needed your own space to build your own life. You are not an appendage on your ex. You are an independent person with strength and poise. This is your new posture. This will bring out the qualities that initially attracted your ex to you.
Fix you hair. Wash your face and get looking good, then go out. You don't have to hunt for a rebound mate, and I recommend you don't. Just do some of the things you couldn't do while your ex was with you. Maybe you used to shoot a mean game of pool. Maybe you sang karaoke at a local hangout. Maybe you enjoyed your workouts. Get yourself back and you will get back at your ex at a deep level by getting out from under the spell.
The second way to get back at your ex is to stop calling and texting. No more tweeting your pain. Let him or her start to wonder and begin to miss you. You have to give your ex some space to allow them to miss you. Have you ever heard the two statements, "familiarity breeds contempt" and "absence makes the heart grow fonder"? These two apply here. Get back at your ex by letting the ex worry for a change. Your ex may be thinking the breakup was a bad idea. Let your ex marinate with that for a while. You can be a little hard to get without being mean. It will drive them crazy.
The third way to get back at your ex is be kind. Like the Bible says, "Love your enemy." Your ex has made himself or herself your social enemy. Another passage says you "heap coals on his head" by being very kind, so you can very much be getting back at your ex by being a kind sweetheart and not returning harshness for harshness. This does not mean to be a doormat. In fact, you need to have your strength about you if your ex tries any kind of power play or tries to play games with your emotions.
On a related subject - sometimes at this stage the ex will act like he or she wants to get back with you, but only gives a hint. This may be a trap. If your ex had a controlling streak, he or she may be checking to see if you are still their pet. Don't jump until your ex has said clearly that he or she wants to try again. That commits them to it and that is when you can decide whether this will work. Until then, don't let yourself get trapped.
To sum up, you may think getting back at your ex is all about your ex. It is not. It is all about you. Get yourself together and you put yourself where you need to be to get your ex back.
I wish you all the best and if this helped you, please like this article on Facebook and tweet it at the "t." Thanks.
No comments:
Post a Comment